What is marriage for?

In our church we have a Spanish-speaking congregation, who join in on Sundays (where we have songs and readings in different languages and simultaneous translation) but who also have their own Spanish-language service on a Tuesday evening. We have been given funding for a Spanish speaking pastor, but also seek to integrate ministry across the congregations. So I preached at the service last night—and did so in Spanish! This is my sermon, in English and Spanish, and I conclude with some reflections on the challenge. The reading was Gen 2:15–25.

Today, I am going to be courageous! I am going to try to speak to you in Spanish, and I am going to talk to you about marriage! So please be kind to me! (and forgive my pronunciation…)

The subject of marriage is very important—in the West, we have a crisis of marriage. Young people are not getting married, and fewer than ever are having children. As a culture, many have lost confidence in married and parenting. 

When Jesus was confronted with a practical problem about marriage—the question of divorce and remarriage—his response was fascinating. 

Instead of answering the question head on, he went back to the real question behind the question that was being asked. What is marriage? Why do we have it? And what was it for? To answer these questions, he went back to God’s intention in creation. So we are doing the same today. 

When we read the story in Genesis 2 about the creation of the first woman, we must notice four things.

1. Different by design

Sex difference—the differences between men and women—is intentional, not an accident and not a mistake. 

I am going to tell you something shocking—something surprising. Men and women are different! Our bodies are different! Men are usually taller and stronger than women! My wife finds this very useful when she needs something from a high up shelf in the kitchen! 

Men have, on average, 40% more strength in their upper bodies. That makes a difference for people walking home late at night in the dark. 

Our minds are different. We very often think in different ways. Our speech is different. Women on average use twice as many words in a day as men…! (I have to be careful here!)

In our culture in the West, many people hate this idea. They think it leads to oppression and inequality—and they are right, it has. But this leads them to deny that there is any difference. 

That is why we see so much about ‘women can do what men do just as well’ in all our news stories. Women can play football; women can lead in business; women can be politicians. 

But the problem with this, with trying to prove that women can do what men do, is that then men are setting the agenda. And we are not allowing women to be what they want, what they are good at!

We should instead celebrate that men and women are different. The French have a saying ‘Vive la difference!’ (Perhaps you have a similar saying…?) 

But we must treat these differences with care. Men are taller than women; but not every man is taller than every woman. Differences need not create stereotypes. 

2. Marriage is wonderful

(My wife told me to say that…no, I am joking!)

In Genesis 2, we find that marriage is intended to be a wonderful gift from God. 

God has created the man—though perhaps we should not yet use the word ‘man’ for him. He is called ‘Adam’, and the writer is making a joke for us. He is formed from the dust of the earth—Adam from the Adama in Hebrew—perhaps we should call him Polvito or Terrón or Barrito! 

He has been created to ‘be fruitful and multiply, to rule the earth’—God is inviting him to share in his own rule over the world. 

But he cannot do it! “It is not good that the man is alone”—not because he is lonely—he has God as his friend—but because he cannot fulfil the vocation that God has called him to without the help of another.

What is really interesting is that there are lots of ‘others’—which is why God brings before him all the animals. But there are none who are ‘suitable helpers’ for him—until he creates the woman. 

And when he does, Adam responds with a cry of delight—here is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. A wonderful cry of recognition!

We need to listen to this carefully, because for so many today, marriage does not feel like a good gift. 

Many feel trapped in marriages without love. Many amongst us have experienced the harm that a marriage partner can cause, or the legacy of a broken relationship. Children have experienced parents who have not cared for them—or even have harmed them. 

So we must be clear—God’s intention is that marriage is to be a good gift for us. 

Now, this does not provide an instant solution to the problems that some of us have experienced. But it does provide a direction for us. God intended marriage to be a good gift—and in Jesus, he wants to make that real again for us.

He wants to bring healing and forgiveness, so that we will discover again this good gift from God.

3. We are created equal

Despite our differences, Genesis 2 says that the man and the woman were created equal.

Some have claimed that, because the man was created first, he is the most important, and the woman came second. In some cultures in the world, this is literally true—women will walk behind their husbands in public.

But this cannot be what God is teaching us. You see, in the creation of the world, it is what comes last which is best! Once God has made the world, and the sun and the moon and the stars, he leaves the best thing till last—the creation of humanity!

Some people say when God created man, he was just practicing, ready for his masterpiece—woman!

But this cannot be true either! God wants Adam to have a ‘suitable helper’, an equal partner, someone who will be to him equal and opposite, like the banks of a river between which the water flows. 

The animals can be ‘helpers’, but they are not ‘suitable’, because they are not Adam’s equal. 

Someone once said: “The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”

The differences God gives are for us to use to serve one another, not to dominate one another. 

And this allows us to celebrate difference, because it need not threaten our equality. In fact, learning to live with our differences, and enjoy them, it a vital part of a healthy marriage. 

Marriages are difficult, and not felt as a gift, when we have not both recognised our differences, and celebrated them, and when we do not recognise our equality. 

4. Marriage is not the Messiah

Marriage is a good gift from God. It was always part of his intention for humanity, to enable us to flourish and be fruitful in all sorts of way. 

But marriage is not the solution to all our problems! In fact, if you get married expecting all your problems will be solved, and that your partner will meet all you the desires of your heart, then you will be disappointed, and you will be too much pressure on your partner. 

There are two reasons for this.

First, we were made to worship God alone, and find in him alone the answer to our deepest desires. Marriage is good—but marriage is not our saviour! Jesus is!

And we can see this in the Bible. We have started at the beginning—with the creation—but we need also to look at the end—to the New Creation in the Book of Revelation. 

There, we are told that, when Jesus returns, when the New Jerusalem comes down from heaven to earth, when ‘there will be no more crying or death or pain’, this will be ‘the wedding feast of the lamb’. 

Jesus will be our bridegroom, and we will be his perfect bride. 

In other words, human marriage points to something much bigger and much more important—the marriage of God’s people with God himself, which only happens because Jesus died for us and rose again for us, to bring us his healing and his forgiveness. 

To mend our broken hearts and broken relationships, and make all things new. 

And this leads to the second reason. 

Jesus was single—he never married, and he never has sex—and yet he is the one who lived life in all its fulness. 

Most people will marry, but for some, God calls them to live faithfully as single people, and we who are married need to honour and celebrate this. God calls them to a fruitful life, not through marrying and having children, but through testifying faithful to his love, and seeing others come to new birth because of this. 

We are different by design. Sex difference between men and women is no accident.

Marriage is intended to be a good gift from God, not a problem to be solved. 

We are created different but equal. 

And marriage points to something much bigger—the day when we will know God with all the tenderness and intimacy that marriage can provide. 

May God fill our hearts with healing, hope, and patience as we wait for him.

Sermón para Amor y Esperanza sobre el Matrimonio

¡Hoy voy a ser valiente! Voy a intentar hablarles en español, ¡y les voy a hablar sobre el matrimonio! ¡Así que, por favor, sean amables conmigo! (y disculpen mi pronunciación!)

El tema del matrimonio es muy importante; en Occidente, tenemos una crisis matrimonial. Los jóvenes no se casan y cada vez menos tienen hijos. Como sociedad, muchos han perdido la confianza en el matrimonio y la paternidad.

Cuando Jesús se enfrentó a un problema práctico sobre el matrimonio —la cuestión del divorcio y el nuevo matrimonio— su respuesta fue fascinante.

En lugar de responder directamente a la pregunta, volvió a la verdadera pregunta que subyacía a la pregunta planteada.[volvió al verdadero interrogante que profundiza la duda planteada] ¿Qué es el matrimonio? ¿Por qué lo tenemos? ¿Y para qué fue creado? Para responder a estas preguntas, volvió a la intención de Dios en la creación. Así que nosotros hacemos lo mismo hoy.

Cuando leemos la historia en Génesis 2 sobre la creación de la primera mujer, debemos notar cuatro cosas.

1. La Diferencia es Diseñada

La diferencia de sexo —las diferencias entre hombres y mujeres— es intencional, no un accidente ni un error.

Les voy a contar algo impactante, algo sorprendente. ¡Hombres y mujeres somos diferentes! ¡Nuestros cuerpos son diferentes! ¡Los hombres suelen ser más altos y fuertes que las mujeres! ¡A mi esposa le resulta muy útil cuando necesita algo de un estante alto en la cocina!

Los hombres tienen, en promedio, un Cuarenta por ciento más de fuerza en la parte superior del cuerpo. Eso marca la diferencia para las personas que caminan a casa tarde por la noche en la oscuridad.

Nuestras mentes son diferentes. Muy a menudo pensamos de maneras diferentes. Nuestro habla es diferente. ¡Las mujeres usan, en promedio, el doble de palabras al día que los hombres…! (¡Tengo que tener cuidado aquí!)

En nuestra cultura occidental, a muchas personas les disgusta esta idea. Piensan que conduce a la opresión y la desigualdad, y tienen razón, así ha sido. Pero esto los lleva a negar que exista alguna diferencia.

Por eso vemos tanto en las noticias que «las mujeres pueden hacer lo mismo que los hombres». Las mujeres pueden jugar al fútbol; Las mujeres pueden liderar en los negocios; las mujeres pueden ser políticas.

Pero el problema con esto, con intentar demostrar que las mujeres pueden hacer lo mismo que los hombres, es que entonces son los hombres quienes marcan la pauta. ¡Y no les permitimos a las mujeres ser lo que quieren, lo que mejor saben hacer!

En cambio, deberíamos celebrar que hombres y mujeres somos diferentes. Los franceses tienen un dicho: «¡Viva la diferencia!» (¿Quizás ustedes tengan uno similar?).

Pero debemos tratar estas diferencias con cuidado. Los hombres son más altos que las mujeres; pero cada hombre no es más alto que cada mujer. Las diferencias no tienen por qué crear estereotipos.

2. El matrimonio es maravilloso.

(Mi esposa me dijo que dijera eso… ¡no, estoy bromeando!).

En Génesis 2, encontramos que el matrimonio está destinado a ser un maravilloso regalo de Dios.

Dios creó al hombre, aunque quizás no deberíamos usar todavía la palabra «hombre» para referirnos a él. Se le llama «Adán», y el autor está haciendo una broma. Él fue formado del polvo de la tierra —Adán, del hebreo Adama— ¡quizás deberíamos llamarlo Polvito, Terrón o Barrito!

Fue creado para «ser fecundo y multiplicarse, para gobernar la tierra». Dios lo invita a participar de su propio dominio sobre el mundo.

¡Pero no puede hacerlo! «No es bueno que el hombre esté solo», no porque se sienta solo —tiene a Dios como amigo— sino porque no puede cumplir la vocación a la que Dios lo ha llamado sin la ayuda de otro.

Lo realmente interesante es que hay muchos «otros», por eso Dios le presenta a todos los animales. Pero no hay ninguno que sea «ayudante adecuado» para él, hasta que crea a la mujer.

Y cuando lo hace, Adán responde con un grito de alegría: «Aquí está la carne de mi carne y el hueso de mi hueso». ¡Un maravilloso grito de reconocimiento!

Necesitamos escuchar esto con atención, porque para muchos hoy en día, el matrimonio no se siente como un buen regalo.

Muchos se sienten atrapados en matrimonios sin amor. Muchos de nosotros hemos experimentado el daño que puede causar una pareja o las consecuencias de una relación rota. Algunos niños han sufrido la negligencia de sus padres, quienes incluso los han lastimado.

Por lo tanto, debemos tener claro que la intención de Dios es que el matrimonio sea un valioso regalo para nosotros.

Esto no ofrece una solución inmediata a los problemas que algunos hemos experimentado, pero sí nos da una guía. Dios quiso que el matrimonio fuera un buen regalo, y en Jesús, desea que esto vuelva a ser una realidad para nosotros.

Él desea traer sanación y perdón para que redescubramos este valioso regalo de Dios.

3. Somos un Complemento Creativo

Hombre y mujer son creativamente distintos, pero iguales en valor.

A pesar de nuestras diferencias, Génesis 2 dice que el hombre y la mujer fueron creados iguales.

Ahora—algunos afirman que, como el hombre fue creado primero, es el más importante, y la mujer fue la segunda. En algunas culturas del mundo, esto es literalmente cierto: las mujeres caminan detrás de sus maridos en público.

Pero esto no puede ser lo que Dios nos enseña. Verán, en la creación del mundo, ¡lo último es lo mejor! Una vez que Dios ha creado el mundo, el sol, la luna y las estrellas, deja lo mejor para el final: ¡la creación de la humanidad!

Algunos dicen que cuando Dios creó al hombre, solo estaba practicando, preparándose para su obra maestra: ¡la mujer!

¡Pero esto tampoco puede ser cierto! Dios quiere que Adán tenga una «ayudante adecuada, idónea», una compañera igual, alguien que sea para él igual y opuesta, como las orillas de un río entre las que fluye el agua.

Los animales pueden ser «ayudantes», pero no son «adecuados», porque no son iguales a Adán. Alguien dijo una vez: «La mujer fue hecha de una costilla del costado de Adán; no de su cabeza para dominarlo, ni de sus pies para ser pisoteada por él, sino de su costado para ser igual a él, bajo su brazo para ser protegida y cerca de su corazón para ser amada».

Las diferencias que Dios nos da son para que las usemos para servirnos unos a otros, no para dominarnos.

Y esto nos permite celebrar la diferencia, porque no tiene por qué amenazar nuestra igualdad. De hecho, aprender a vivir con nuestras diferencias y disfrutarlas es una parte vital de un matrimonio sano.

Los matrimonios son difíciles y no se sienten como un regalo cuando no hemos reconocido nuestras diferencias, ni las hemos celebrado, y cuando no reconocemos nuestra igualdad.

4. El matrimonio no es el Mesías

El matrimonio es un buen regalo de Dios. Siempre fue parte de su propósito para la humanidad: permitirnos prosperar y ser fructíferos en todo sentido.

¡Pero el matrimonio no es la solución a todos nuestros problemas! De hecho, si te casas esperando que todos tus problemas se resuelvan y que tu pareja satisfaga todos los deseos de tu corazón, te decepcionarás y ejercerás demasiada presión sobre ella.

Hay dos razones para esto.

Primero, fuimos creados para adorar solo a Dios y encontrar solo en Él la respuesta a nuestros deseos más profundos. El matrimonio es bueno, ¡pero el matrimonio no es nuestro salvador! ¡Jesús lo es!

Y podemos ver esto en la Biblia. Hemos comenzado desde el principio, con la creación, pero también debemos mirar hacia el final, a la Nueva Creación en el Libro del Apocalipsis.

Allí se nos dice que, cuando Jesús regrese, cuando la Nueva Jerusalén descienda del cielo a la tierra, cuando «ya no habrá más llanto, ni muerte, ni dolor», esto será «el banquete de bodas del Cordero».

Jesús será nuestro esposo y nosotros seremos su esposa perfecta.

En otras palabras, el matrimonio humano apunta a algo mucho más grande e importante: la unión del pueblo de Dios con Dios mismo, que solo se da porque Jesús murió y resucitó por nosotros, para traernos su sanación y su perdón.

Para sanar nuestros corazones y relaciones quebrantadas, y renovar todas las cosas.

Y esto nos lleva a la segunda razón.

Jesús era soltero; nunca se casó ni tuvo relaciones sexuales, y sin embargo, fue él quien vivió la vida en toda su plenitud.

La mayoría de las personas se casarán, pero a algunas, Dios las llama a vivir fielmente como solteras, y quienes estamos casados ​​debemos honrar y celebrar esto. Dios las llama a una vida fructífera, no a través del matrimonio y la maternidad, sino a través de un testimonio fiel de su amor y al ver a otros nacer de nuevo gracias a ello.

Uno. Somos diferentes por diseño. La diferencia sexual entre hombres y mujeres no es casualidad.

Dos. El matrimonio está destinado a ser un hermoso regalo de Dios, no un problema que resolver.

Tres. Fuimos creados diferentes, pero iguales. 

Cuatro. Y el matrimonio apunta a algo mucho más grande: el día en que conoceremos a Dios con toda la ternura e intimidad que el matrimonio puede brindar. 

Que Dios llene nuestros corazones de sanación, esperanza y paciencia mientras lo esperamos.

Amen!

Reflection

My Spanish is not good enough to write well, so I wrote my sermon in English with a view to simply using Google translate—but then passed it to a native Spanish speaker to check for style and naturalness. She made no corrections (except for rephrasing something that was repetitive in English); Google translate works well these days. I am at level 55 at the time of writing on Duolingo in Spanish, and there were only a few words here that I did not understand for myself.

I should add that, though this sermon gives some outlines of issues around sex difference, creation, and marriage, I am making a lot of assumptions here as I am drawing on other theological work I have done. Some of that is explored in more depth in my Grove booklet: What is Sex For? which you can buy here.

I also made use of AI at a couple of points. I wanted to have memorable headings, so I asked for four alliterative headings in Spanish for the points I wanted to make (which I gave in English), from two different AI platforms, and adapted these. I also wanted to explain the pun in Hebrew of the adam coming from the adamah, and AI advised me against making a pun in Spanish, but did suggest the three terms Polvito, Terrón, and Barrito, from polvo (dust), tierra, (earth), and barro (clay) respectively. Despite AI advice, the congregation loved these, and laughed loudly!

However, part of the reason for that is that I wrote in English constantly bearing in mind that it would need to be translated. So I avoided anything complex grammatically, and in particular avoided using too many distinctly English idioms. I would not normally preach in the style of my English writing—but perhaps I should experiment with this. The emphasis was on simplicity and clarity, and that is never wasted in preaching. Colloquialism can be engaging for those who relate to them, but can exclude those who don’t belong to your own specific language group—and we do have subsets of language groups defined by class, education, geography, sex, and occupation.

Having to write a script raises the usual questions about preaching from a script, rather than from notes, or from speaking without any notes (at the other end of the scale) which I have previously explored here. Having a full script allows you to craft your language, and thus be economical with your words, but reduces your ability to engage. Preaching with no notes allows you to engage, but the danger is that you are not economical with words. Experimenting at both extremes helps develop both skills, so that you learn in preaching to both engage and be precise.

The biggest challenge was thinking about culture, and the issues that marriage raises. Most of those listening were from Central and South America, and have fled the drug wars in their home countries. I could not therefore assume that they were immersed in Western culture as most of our main congregations would have been, and their perspectives on issues around marriage might be very different. So my main concern was not to assume too much.

The biggest thing which was different from preaching at our other congregations was the level of response and engagement from the congregation. We had a running dialogue of interaction! When I said something they agreed with—particularly the first points about sex differences and the good of marriage, there were very loud choruses of ‘Amen!’ They laughed loudly at my jokes—which was nice; the women especially like the idea that they were the pinnacle of creation!—and even commented to their neighbours about what I said as I was preaching. In my fourth point, perhaps the most challenging of the four, it was noticeable how much quieter and more subdued they were.

Interestingly, I noticed (especially when practicing at home beforehand) that, even though speaking in a second language in which I am not fluent, it was much easier to be excited about things in Spanish than in English! The natural poetry and rhythm of the language allows you to be more expressive. That probably explains a lot about Latino culture…!

Because of having a Spanish-speaking congregation, and Spanish-speaking members of the congregation, I have been investing half an hour to 40 minutes a day learning Spanish on Duolingo. It makes it worthwhile when they are so appreciative of anyone making the effort to speak their language; and the vulnerability of working in another language is a powerful bridge-builder in relationships.