How to give (and receive) good feedback

circular-arrowsI have spent more than 30 years giving feedback and encouraging others to do so in a range of professional, personal and ministerial contexts. These have included being a personnel professional in an FMCG multi-national, being an ordained leader working with lay and ordained colleagues, and in the context of theological education. As a result I have two convictions about feedback:

1. Most people find it very hard to give and receive feedback in a positive, valuable and formative way. The idea of both giving and receiving feedback fills people with dread, and poorly given feedback can leave deep wounds which last for years and can destroy trust, friendship and working relationships.

2. Giving and receiving feedback is an essential professional, managerial and ministerial skill which can often unlock significant areas of growth and development. Without it we trip over our own flaws, risk damaging others and can hit an unnecessary ceiling in our own competence and effectiveness.

Feedback is a very powerful thing, not least because it helps us develop that vital element of maturity, ‘to see ourselves as others see us.’ For anyone in a public role this is vital. After all, how others see you is…how others see you! And feedback is potentially happening all the time. As I frequently commented to those in ministry training: just because people are not talking to you, it does not mean they are not talking about you! We are constantly being judged, evaluated and assessed. If we are able to access, in a positive and useful way, some of that evaluation, it could really help us to grow. And if our goal is to serve others, shouldn’t we want to do that as best we can?

So how is structured feedback done well? Here are my eight top tips.

1. Give notice

When you need to give some feedback, either as a regular thing or just as a one-off, always give notice to the other person. ‘Let’s fix a time to review how that went.’ There are two main reasons for this, one to do with you, and one to do with the other person. In relation to you, the person giving feedback, it is vital that the goal of the feedback is the growth and development of the other person, and is seen to be this, and is not a pressure valve to allow you to vent your frustration. For the other person, receiving feedback could be emotionally demanding, especially if he or she is not used to this. Giving notice allows the recipient to be prepared to receive your comments—and perhaps even to review what happened themselves first.

If you are the recipient, and someone tries to give you unplanned feedback, a good response is: ‘Thanks for telling me that. I wonder if we could arrange a time for a proper conversation about it?’

2. Choose a good time

A follow-on from the first point is to then find a good time to give the feedback. The most important thing it not to give feedback on the day of the event in question, particularly if this relates to public ministry. Preaching is demanding enough emotionally without having to face immediate evaluation as well. And those feeding back need to reflect on their experience as well. Things can look quite different after a day or two of reflection on the event, as the trivial things subside and what was important stands out. Make sure you allow enough time for a good conversation as well, and be clear how long the feedback session will last (which is a good policy for any meeting).

A good time for feedback will usually be in a context one-to-one, unless you have reached the point in your team where feedback is something natural to all your working relations. A good rule of thumb here is ‘Praise in public; criticise in private.’

3. Shape your feedback

In the past I have been taught to start with the good, what went well, or strengths, and then move on to the negative, to things that need attention and development. The problem with this shape, if used regularly, is that the person on the receiving end is listening to the good stuff, but inside is just bracing themselves to be hit with the bad! A better shape is to either mix it up, or go ‘good—bad—good’ so that you finish on a positive note.

Even better is to make the event a genuine conversation. I will often now start conversations by asking the recipient to assess what went well and what needs development. If feedback is not genuinely owned, it will not have its effect.

4. Give reasons why

Feedback needs to have external references points in two directions. First, comments need to draw on evidence from the event so the basis of comments is clear. Secondly, the reason for change needs to have a clear external rationale (‘If you do it this way, it means that people can…’). This prevents the feedback simply being a vehicle for your own opinions and prejudices; it needs to genuinely lead to more effective performance, and the person receiving comments needs to see how the comments will genuinely be of help to them.

5. Suggest a plan of action

Evidence-based feedback with a good rationale should then lead to a plan of action. This does not need to be complicated, but it does mean that there should be a clear way to allow the person receiving feedback to actually address the issue at hand.

6. Focus on strengths as well as weaknesses

There is a real danger in giving feedback that the process only focusses on weaknesses rather than strengths. I suppose the reason why it happens is that it is easier to spot mistakes than it is to recognise how strengths might develop further. But if this happens, then it can be demoralising for the receiver; the repeated agenda is to focus on the things that are not going well, rather than the things that are. So it is also worth exploring how things that are strengths already can become points of excellence within the ministry or performance.

7. Make it regular

Feedback is most difficult when it happens as a one-off, and the first time of significant feedback is often the most challenging. But the goal for any kind of ministry team should be to make feedback a regular feature of working together. If it is ‘just one of the things we do,’ then it is much less daunting and can become more fruitful.

1553019548. Make it symmetrical

If feedback is such a potential powerful tool for personal growth and development, then all should be making use of it. And if it is to avoid becoming an exercise in the use of power, then team leaders need feedback from team members as much as members need feedback from leaders and others. In a healthy ministry team, even the person ‘in charge’ should be ready to receive feedback from others. I have been preaching for 30 years, and taught it for the best part of a decade, but I still ask for feedback on my preaching. I still have room for improvement!

In Romans 16.2, Paul describes Phoebe as someone who has been ‘a prostatis for many, including me.’ Some commentators have argued that this cannot be a term of leadership, since otherwise it would mean that Paul, the great apostle, was in debt to someone from whom he had learnt about leadership. How unthinkable! In fact, I am sure that Paul was willing to learn from others just as much as he was willing to teach others.

For an assessment framework that allows for feedback on preaching, see the post on What makes a good sermon?

(This article first posted in 2013 and reposted in 2015).

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5 thoughts on “How to give (and receive) good feedback”

  1. What makes review and feedback positive and useful is the everyday working relationship being concordant with that in the 1:1. My previous line manager in education would tick all the boxes in the handbook to be a line manager but none of this was reflected in her everyday relationships. We simply did not trust what she said or promised to take forward. Praise was but a prelude to criticism which would be enacted in various overt and more subtle ways in the ofgice environment. She was in effect a bully. Yet you could not fault her review process in itself. I resigned and have a positipn where i am valued as a person as well as an employee.

  2. A good starting point is to ask someone how they feel about something. I remember a short sermon that I had spent a lot of time on but it went nowhere! I knew that it was weak, but was asked why I hadn’t prepared adequately. I think I learnt something from that, but not from the feedback.

  3. Thanks for this Ian. Some good points here. At Redcliffe we’re marking and helping people study and learn, so we need to concentrate on doing this well. I would add/emphasise:
    – Make the feedback towards a positive goal. e.g. “To improve is would suggest …” “If you engage this way then …” And make the steps achievable. We’re not looking for perfection, but improvement at the rate that the person can go (so there is wisdom in needing to know what speed a person can go at).
    – Have someone assess the feedback you’re giving and how you give it. I’ve got a great colleague who will pull me up on content of feedback, but also on how to give it so that its heard positively and as a positive challenge.

  4. I like the focus on helping someone to self-assess as a principle outcome of the process.
    As a related point, in the church environment, should feedback only be on the basis of permission by the party being assessed? If there was prior agreement between the two people involved, the person giving the feedback being implicitly trusted by the other, it would probably be well-received. I recall eventually having to refuse feedback from just anyone as there would invariably be people who just wanted a pop at you – even while accepting the adage ‘there is always some truth in criticism’!

  5. The logo of the arrowed circle is appropriate, but it is extremely rare to get 360-degree feedback, appraisal. My conviction about feedback is that not many people are trained well, to carry it out, and it is likely to vary from one organisation to the next, depending on company ethos.

    For a time I was part of NHS senior management and on a leadership programme/course, which was delivered by independent management consultants. It included a 360-degree appraisal, where superiors inside the organisation, and other organisations with whom you worked, such as Local Authority, GP’s charities, would answer set questions anonymously, along with those on the same organisational level, and below, those who worked for and closely with you.
    The results were then analysed and feedback delivered and discussed privately with each individual, who would receive both the actual words written by each appraiser and the conclusion. Line managers were not privvy to the results, (though had to contribute to the appraisal).
    At the end of the whole process, there was a group discussion by all the participants. Some were clearly almost “broken”.
    All this was in addition to annual appraisal and (bi)monthly meetings with ine managers standardised forms
    Venue might be a factor. Today I saw, spread openly across a cafe table, forms for an annual appraisal which was taking place. Two people from a charity. Informal, but not much privacy.
    A simple view I have of leadership is to “grow people.” And I see that leadership differs from management.
    Over the last few days Tim Keller’s book,” with his wife, Kathy, “The Way of Wisdom”- a year of Daily Devotions in the book of Proverbs, has had much to ponder and prick anyone giving or receiving feedback, all under short sections entitled Envy and Pride. Wise indeed for any of us really.
    May 14- Based on proverbs16:5,8) “The blindness of Pride. TheBible does not say that pride might lead to destruction – it says it will. Why? The practical reason is that pride makes it difficult to receive advice or criticism You can’t learn from your mistakes or admit your own weakness. Everything has to be blamed on other people. You have to maintain the image of yourself as a competent, person as someone who is better than other people. Pride distorts your view of reality, and therefore you are going to make terrible decisions.”
    There is much there, for appraiser and appraisee.


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