The Challenge of Loneliness

Margaret has been widowed twice. She is now in her early eighties, without any siblings or dependants. She went out of her house only twice last year, on both occasions to visit the dentist. Carers visit her home each day as her mobility deteriorates. The only contact that she receives beyond them is the occasional short visit from a neighbour or someone from the local church. Such visits tend not to last more than twenty minutes. I asked her how she would be spending Christmas Day. ‘No different to any other day really. I doubt that I shall see anyone other than my carers; they all have such busy lives, and families to look after. But at some time in the afternoon I shall gather all of the Christmas cards that I have received and think about the people who have sent them to me. I never imagined when I was young, that this would be how I would spend a Christmas Day.’

These stories find their place in some daunting statistics about loneliness in our culture:

During the late 1960s/early 1970s, when I was in my teens, I would often go to visit my great aunt, a spinster, who lived in Dingle in Liverpool. She had lived in the same two-up two-down with a toilet at the bottom of the yard since she was born. She did not want to have a television and was happy to listen selectively to her wireless. It was at a time when it was rare to have a telephone in the house and other forms of communication, which we take for granted today, could not even have been imagined. For most of the day she was alone with her thoughts, staring into her coal fire. She would walk to the local shops or, once a week, catch a bus into Liverpool. However, she knew that she had neighbours all around her who could help—neighbours who would have their doors open during the day, often sitting on their steps. I remember that each time we walked out of her front door there would be people around chatting or walking to the local bakery, grocery or newsagents, which were at the end of many of the roads in the area. There might also be daily interaction with the milkman and the postman, who were very much the eyes and ears of the community. If she was ill, this would soon become known and neighbours would appear with a bowl of soup or porridge, and she would reciprocate whenever it was needed. She lived on her own, without any modern trappings, and rarely travelled out of the area—but she never experienced loneliness.

The booklet notes the various agencies that are working to address the question of loneliness—but then goes on to explore some biblical and theological issues—not least the idea that we have been called to know God not simply as individuals, but in community. Nowhere in Scripture can we find examples of solitary discipleship. We are then led into some fascinating reflections from Henri Nouwen and Wesley Hill on the reality of loneliness in celibacy, with their twin focusses on the company of God and the company of others meeting us in our loneliness.

The final sections offer practical suggestions for engaging with this question, and what is striking is the multi-dimensional approach offered. It is not just about ‘doing things’ for people who are lonely, but empowering them to act—and enabling them to connect with God who is the ultimate end to all loneliness.